Manipulation in a relationship means when one partner uses manipulative strategies to control or influence the other partner, generally for personal benefit or to keep power in the relationship. Manipulation can harm the relationship by weakening trust, communication, and mutual respect.
You can detect manipulation when someone keeps blaming others, uses emotions to control, makes you doubt your own reality, tries to keep you away from others, and doesn’t understand or care about your feelings.
You should pay attention to behavior, trust your instincts, and openly communicate any concerns with your partner. If you can’t help yourself seeking out to trusted friends or professionals can also help you deal with manipulation in a relationship.
Signs Of Manipulation In Relationship
1. Charm
Charm is a powerful tactic for manipulation that manipulators frequently use to Dominate the situation or achieve their own goals by sacrificing others.
Manipulators can Persuade by showering victims with compliments and focus, creating emotional Vulnerability. After being involved, they take advantage of this weakness to manipulate the victim into meeting their desires, whether it be for sex, control, or power.
One example is – John wins over Sarah by giving her compliments and paying attention to her. As their romance grows, John subtly starts manipulating Sarah by using his charm to convince her to do things that make her uneasy. He tries to make her feel guilty to get closer to her, dictate her choices, or use her feelings to keep control over her.
2. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is influencing the victim with lies, shifting blame, and trying to belittle another partner to get them to question their perceptions, feelings, and reality. One example is when a manipulator reacts to the partner’s emotions or fears by saying, “You’re insane,” or “You’re overly sensitive.” Which causes them to doubt themselves and become dependent on the manipulator’s influence.
For example, consider a situation in which Sarah addresses Alex about his tendency to flirt with other people. Rather than validating Sarah’s emotions, Alex brushes them off by stating, “You are simply feeling insecure and paranoid.” I am not engaging in any wrongdoing.
With time Sarah would eventually question herself and accept Alex’s version of things, despite her initial doubts.
3. Love bombing
Love bombing may seem like a dream come true at first – lots of attention, fancy gifts, and talk of a future together right off the bat. But beware, because it could be a sign of a manipulator. For example, imagine you’ve just started dating someone and they’re showering you with constant affection and talking about meeting the family after only a few weeks. Sounds nice, right?
You need to look for other signs too before taking the second step, Signs like s/he is becoming possessive, and s/he starting to prevent you from seeing your friends and family. That’s when things begin to seem strange. That’s when things start feeling off. This kind of intense attention can make you feel dependent on them, making it easier for them to control you.
4. Passive aggressiveness
Passive aggressiveness can be used to control a partner in a relationship. Instead of giving an answer to what is troubling you, your partner may make indirect comments or give you silent treatment without admitting they are upset. For example, your partner might give you a compliment that doesn’t feel quite right. They might also ignore you or act distant as a way to punish you for something.
I’d rather have an enemy who admits that they hate me than a friend who secretly puts me down.
To identify passive-aggressive behavior, observe signs of negativity or actions intended to cause conflict or create a fight out of nowhere and nothing. Rely on your instincts if something doesn’t seem right. Creating a safe space where both individuals feel comfortable expressing their emotions is important for a healthy relationship.
5. Denial
Sarah notes that Alex is spending more time with his friends and less time with her. When Sarah mentions it, he denies her concerns, saying “he is simply occupied”. Sarah begins to question his actions, but Alex denies any wrongdoing, accuses her of overreacting, or controlling, and makes her question herself. This manipulation causes tension in their relationship, with Sarah feeling isolated and distrustful, and Alex denying accountability.
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6. Criticizing or Judging
These manipulation strategies enable the partner to take control by making the other partner feel incompetent and inferior. A manipulator may make negative comments about someone’s appearance, character, flaws, circumstances, or other attributes. Insults and humiliation are used to show power.
Scenario:
Alex and Sarah have been dating for a few months. Alex, feeling insecure about himself, starts to criticize Sarah.
Alex: “You know, Sarah, you could look so much better if you lost a few pounds. I’m just worried about your health.”
Sarah, feeling hurt and self-conscious: “But I’m happy with my body the way it is.”
Alex: “Well, I’m just saying, you could be so much more attractive if you put in a bit of effort. I’m only looking out for you.”
In this scenario, Alex uses Sarah’s insecurities about her appearance to manipulate her into feeling inadequate. By making derogatory comments under the guise of concern, Alex tries to gain power over Sarah by making her doubt herself and feel inferior.
7. Emotional Blackmail
Alex and Sarah have been dating for a few months. Alex has recently started pressuring Sarah to send him nude photos, even though she’s uncomfortable with the idea. Instead of respecting her boundaries, Alex begins to use emotional blackmail to manipulate her into complying.
Alex: “Hey Sarah, I really care about you, and I think it would strengthen our bond if we shared everything with each other. I understand if you’re hesitant, but it’s important for me to feel like we’re completely open with each other.”
Sarah: “I don’t know, Alex. I’m just not comfortable sending nude photos.”
Alex: “But Sarah, if you truly cared about me, you’d want to make me happy, right? This would show me that you trust me and that you’re committed to our relationship. If you don’t want to do this, I guess I’ll just have to wonder why you’re not willing to make that effort for me.”
Never let anyone control your happiness, your self-worth, or your decisions.
Understanding Emotional Blackmail:
- Silent Treatment & Sarcasm
Emotional blackmailers employ tactics like the silent treatment or sarcasm to manipulate situations in their favor. They use these subtle means to exert control and get what they want.
- Fear, Obligation, Guilt (FOG)
Psychotherapist Susan Forward coined the term FOG—Fear, Obligation, Guilt—to describe how blackmailers leverage these emotions to pressure individuals into compliance. Whether through subtle hints or overt demands, they aim to manipulate others for their own gain.
In this scenario, Alex manipulates Sarah by using emotional manipulation tactics such as guilt and pressure to compel her into sending nude photos. He preys on her desire to maintain their relationship and creates doubt about her commitment if she doesn’t comply with his demands. This behavior is manipulative and coercive, and it disregards Sarah’s boundaries and autonomy.
8. Remolding The Truth
In relationships, manipulators often use a strategy known as “remolding the truth,” in which they simply alter the facts and details for their benefit. It’s like a weird experience when you discover their version of the story makes them appear perfect.
And if you dare to challenge their narrative, brace yourself to take the blame for drama queen. It can turn ugly fast, diving into deeply personal attacks. If you try to go against their story, expect a tsunami of deceptive methods. It can quickly get ugly, devolving into extremely personal insults.
Sarah: “Alex, I’ve noticed you’ve been distant lately. Is everything okay?”
Alex: “Yeah, just dealing with work stuff. Nothing to worry about.”
Sarah: “But I found messages on your phone that seem suspicious.”
Alex: “Oh, that’s just friendly banter with a coworker. You’re reading too much into it.”
Sarah: “I feel like you’re hiding something. Can we talk about this?”
Alex: “You’re being paranoid. I’ve always been faithful to you.”
Their conversation highlights how Alex tries to remold the truth to avoid confrontation, leaving Sarah feeling uneasy and unsure about their relationship.
9. Threats of ending the relationship
Threats of separation can be used as a manipulative method to gain control over a partner by creating fear. When a partner threatens to end the relationship, the other partner starts to feel insecure.
Fear of losing the relationship or suffering serious consequences might drive the victimized partner to agree with the manipulator’s requests or behaviors in order to prevent the undesired outcome. Repeated use of such threats can damage the victim’s self-esteem, leaving them feeling trapped, and dependent on the manipulator for stability and security.
Example – Sarah notices a problem in her relationship with Alex. When they argue, Alex threatens to leave, taking their kids and the house. At first, Sarah ignores it, but she gets more scared over time. She feels stuck, doing what Alex wants to avoid losing everything. Alex uses Sarah’s fear to control her and the relationship.
10. Never Ending Drama
Manipulating a partner through “never-ending drama” means constantly creating or making small problems seem bigger in a relationship. This creates a cycle where there’s always some tension or conflict, never allowing the relationship to be peaceful.
For example, imagine someone who always gets upset over little things like a dirty dish or being a few minutes late. They keep the drama going, so their partner feels like they’re always walking on eggshells, never knowing when the next issue will arise. This constant drama keeps the partner emotionally drained and distracted, making it hard for them to focus on anything else.
11. Play the victim
Manipulators frequently play the victim in relationships to achieve control over their partner. They take advantage of pity, knowing how easy it is to influence someone who feels sorry for them. Despite their lack of empathetic thinking psychopaths and narcissists comprehend human behavior well enough to exploit others.
By repeatedly portraying themselves as victims, they influence their partner into doing what they want, all while taking advantage of their partner’s generosity and compassion.
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12. Over Flattery
In a relationship, one partner constantly showers the other with exaggerated compliments about their appearance or abilities, exploiting their insecurities. For instance, if one partner feels insecure about their looks, the manipulative partner might excessively praise their beauty or attractiveness.
“Sweet words are like honey, a little may refresh, but too much gluts the stomach.”
Over time, the manipulated partner becomes dependent on this flattery for validation, giving the manipulator control over their emotions and decisions.
13. No stability In Opinions
Emotional manipulators frequently engage in the confusing behavior of repeatedly changing their opinions. This flip-flopping isn’t just a lack of clarity; it’s a planned action to further their own interests in different situations.
It may also be the result of genuine confusion or a lack of emotional stability. Regardless, their shifting attitude leaves you feeling restless and unsure of where they really stand.
15. Guilt Trip
Guilt trip manipulation in relationships occurs when manipulators use subtle strategies to make their partners feel guilty for problems even when they are not at fault. They may convey, emotionally blackmail, or openly accuse in order to trigger guilt and gain compliance.
This frequent guilt-tripping might cause the partner to seek approval and avoid disagreement, creating a cycle of dependency and manipulation. Recognizing these strategies is essential for maintaining healthy boundaries and not allowing manipulative relationships to manipulate your emotions.
16. Use Your Insecurities
For example, if you’re insecure about your looks, instead of being supportive, they constantly criticize your appearance. This makes you feel like you’re not good enough, and they use this feeling to control you.
They make you believe that you need to do what they want to be worthy of love. This damages your self-esteem and keeps you dependent on them for approval, giving them power over you in the relationship.
17. Over-reaction
Manipulation can infiltrate relationships quietly but have big impact. One way to do this is to escalate little conflicts into big drama. This causes the other person to feel afraid or guilty.
We forget that life isn’t as bad as we’re making it out to be. We also forget that when we’re blowing things out of proportion, we are the ones doing the blowing
To prevent further drama, they agree with the manipulator’s wishes. To avoid these overreactions, the partner may eventually stop speaking up. This ruins trust and respect in the relationship, leaving one partner feeling defenseless and constantly worried.
18. Gifts To Win Back
When one partner tries to make up for a fight by giving gifts, it might seem like a nice gesture, but it can actually be a sneaky way to avoid fixing the real problem. Instead of talking things out and finding solutions, they use presents to distract the other person and make them feel better temporarily.
But in the long run, it doesn’t solve anything and just keeps the cycle of arguments going without any real progress in the relationship.
Example-
Alex: Sarah, I got you this necklace. I know things have been tense lately, but I hope this makes up for it.
Sarah: Oh, Alex, it’s beautiful. Thank you. But, you know, gifts don’t fix everything.
Alex: I know, I just wanted to show you how much I care. Maybe now we can move past all this.
19. Turn Your Family Against You
A partner might manipulate you by turning your friends or family against you. They could spread lies or create fake stories to make you look bad in their eyes. By doing this, they control who you can trust and make you feel like you’re alone.
This manipulation makes you rely more on them and believe whatever they say, even if it’s not true. It’s a sneaky way for them to control the relationship and keep you under their thumb.
A manipulator can change your whole life upside down. Manipulation can be both positive and negative but an immature manipulator who just saw an Instagram reel on manipulation can ruin the relationship.
Positive and Negative Manipulation In Relationship
I will try to show you the examples of Positive and Negative Manipulation In A Relationship.
Positive Manipulation In Relationship & Positive Result
Let me illustrate positive manipulation with an example from my own experience. My girlfriend used to spend a lot of time on social media, particularly watching celebrity news and entertainment reels on Instagram. I noticed this and decided to subtly influence her interests towards more productive and inspiring content.
Since I had access to her Instagram account, every morning, I would search for motivational or business-related content and watch a few reels. Additionally, I began sending her reels related to poetry and blogging, knowing she had an interest in creative expression.
Over time, I noticed a positive shift in her attitude and interests. She became intrigued by the world of entrepreneurship and creativity. Knowing that I wrote articles and earned a modest income from it, she expressed interest in working with me. I was thrilled by her enthusiasm and promptly began teaching her about blogging and content creation. Within just three months, she was managing three blogs for us, contributing to our shared goals and aspirations.
Positive Manipulation In Relationship & with Negative Result
However, it’s important to recognize that even positive manipulation can have unintended negative effects. For instance, there may be times when you justify your anger towards your partner by attributing it to their behavior or attitude.
For example, I consider myself a generally peaceful person, but there are instances when my partner’s playful attempts to seek attention can inadvertently trigger anger, especially when I’m already stressed or focused on important tasks. Instead of addressing my own stress or setting clear boundaries, I might unconsciously guilt-trip my partner, blaming them for my emotional state.
This can lead to feelings of sadness and fear in my partner, discouraging them from expressing themselves authentically out of concern for triggering my anger. Over time, this pattern of behavior can create emotional trauma and strain the relationship.
In summary, while positive manipulation can yield desirable outcomes, it’s essential to be mindful of its potential negative effects on both partners’ emotional well-being and the overall health of the relationship. Open communication, empathy, and mutual respect are key to navigating these dynamics effectively.
You need to think about what your partner will think and feel about any of your actions. Learn this and no one can shake your relationship if both partners are mature.
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Negative Manipulation In Relationship & Negative Result
Sarah and Mark have been in a relationship for a while now, and Sarah has recently observed that Mark has started staying out late without providing any reasons. Sarah addresses Mark about her concerns regarding his actions, worried about their relationship. Rather than listening to her worries, Mark ignores them and blames Sarah for being excessively suspicious and envious.
Example of Gaslighting Manipulation In Relationship:
Sarah: “Mark, I’ve observed that you’ve been arriving home later than your typical time recently. Are you doing well?
Mark wondered why you were always so suspicious. I informed you that I would be working late. “You are simply excessively paranoid.”
Sarah: “You never brought up working late before.” It’s odd how often it’s occurring these days.
Mark expressed disbelief at being interrogated in such a manner. You always blow things out of proportion. Perhaps you are only visualizing them due to your insecurity.
In this situation, Mark’s reaction is a textbook case of gaslighting. Rather than acknowledging Sarah’s valid concerns, he deflects by blaming her and accuses her of being paranoid and insecure. In this way, he erodes Sarah’s sense of reality, causing her to question her own perceptions and emotions.
Over time, Sarah’s confidence can be worn down by frequent gaslighting, causing her to doubt her sanity while enabling Mark to continue controlling her without taking responsibility for his behavior.
Negative Manipulation In Relationship & Positive result
Despite the usual negative consequences in relationships, manipulation can sometimes lead to positive outcomes for the manipulator, despite its negative nature. Nevertheless, it is important to recognize that even in such scenarios, the basis of the relationship is frequently jeopardized, and the lasting consequences may not be advantageous.
Imagine a situation where Alex is trying to convince his partner, Sarah, to relocate to a different city for a job opportunity. Alex is convinced that this decision will enhance his and her career and lifestyle, however, he is aware that Sarah is not ready to move away from their current home and job. Sarah’s hesitations are ignored as Alex uses manipulative strategies to persuade them to move.
An example of negative manipulation would be when someone tries to influence others in a harmful or deceitful way.
Alex reassured Sarah, saying they should consider the incredible opportunities that await them in the new city despite Jamie’s concerns about the move. We will have more career opportunities, a beautiful house, and an opportunity for a new beginning.
Sarah expressed herself about being not prepared to leave everything behind. “I have a steady job here, and I’m happy with how our life is going.”
Alex: “Don’t you want to back my career goals?” If we remain in this place, I will always be left questioning ‘what could have been.’ Furthermore, think about all the thrilling experiences we will have in the unfamiliar city.
Sarah: “I think I see where you’re coming from, but this is a major choice, so I’ll need some additional time to mull it over.”
In this situation, Alex is manipulating Sarah by highlighting the benefits of the move and disregarding Sarah’s worries in order to persuade them. Even though Sarah was hesitant at first, they eventually consented to the move because of Alex’s constant convincing.
Favorable Outcome:
Alex successfully manipulates the situation to relocate. And, it was beneficial for both Alex and Sarah: Alex progresses in his career and Sarah receives new opportunities in the new city.
Learning to recognize signs of manipulation In a Relationship is important for gaining control over your life and relationships. Understanding these strategies, whether they involve gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or excessive flattery, allows you to set limits and prioritize your own well-being. Don’t be afraid to ask trusted friends, family, or professionals for help. Together, we can cultivate healthy relationships based on mutual respect and trust.
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